⠀

[T.K.]

Mainly original ideas now. I got lots of help from friends in making this list.

1. Slap employees whenever they speak to you
2. Have an argument with a Tickle-Me Elmo over the intercom
3. Scream at the greeters. Proceed to slapping
4. Play the violin worse then Col. Klink over the intercom
5. Joust on bikes
6. Dart around with squirt gun hmming Mission: Impossible
7. Take random objects and throw them in people's carts
8. Lick random people's shoulders
9. Read your biology textbook over the intercom
10. Sit in the changing rooms for a while, then scream, "Where's the toilet paper?!"
11. Hide in the first cart, then when pulled out, jump out and scream
12. Jump on a conveyor belt and act like a fish out of water
13. Throw skittles at people while screaming, "TASTE THE GODDAMN RAINBOW!"
14. Wheelchair races
15. Sing poorly via intercom
16. Use an airhorn over the intercom
17. Cattle prod fights
18. Zap random people with cattle prods
19. Cut large holes in pet food bags
20. Barricade the toys aisles and say it's all yours
21. Advertise Target
22. Sell this list in Wal-Mart
23. Dig garbage out of trash cans and give it to people
24. Wildfire in the flowers
25. Fart over intercom
26. Cook frozen foods while in store
27. Squirt gun fight
28. Fake sword fight
29. Run around with scissors cutting people's hair
30. Replace shampoo with Nair
31. Bingo via intercom
32. Whip it
33. Install Windows ME on the computers
34. Practice sharpshooting with lights
35. Jam the automatic doors shut
36. Wrestle employees
37. Reenact ENTIRE Godfather Trilogy with friends
38. Same as above, but with Terminator
39. Poke employees with stick
40. Offer Ex Lax-filled brownies to people
41. Scream over intercom
42. Sharpen pencil over intercom
43. Recite one of Hitler's speeches over intercom
44. SUPER JENGA
45. Obscene over intercom
46. Chase people with fake knife
47. Give mananger a swirlie
48. Frozen Food Fight!
49. Take a crap in the manure bags
50. Smoke in Boys' Room (c wut i did thar?)
51. Gather large crowds by staring straight up
52. Use stuffed toys toilet paper. Be sure to put them back on shelf
53. Act like hostile government agent
54. Agent Smith impression
55. Viking Time
56. MC Grammar over intercom (STOP! GRAMMAR TIME!)
57. Play-by-play commentary on random shopper
58. Attempt to put live lobsters and candy on layaway
59. Hold up store with noticeably fake gun filled with grape juice
60. Over intercom: "Tornado Drill! Everyone outside!"
61. Moonwalk throughout store
62. Drive THROUGH the automatic doors and order something to go
63. Over intercom: "Fire Drill! Everyone to the clothes!"
64. Say something odd in a raspy voice over intercom
65. Cut Proof-of-Purchase seals off cereal boxes
66. Try to sell frozen food as if it was cooked
67. Hokey-pokey over intercom
68. Marshmallow toss!
69. Paint swastikas over floor
70. Over intercom: "Attention everyone: Ted Bundy in aisle 7."
71. Smash white smarties and try to sell it
72. Full-blown panic
73. Start shaking your head and foaming at the mouth
74. Throw toys at custodians
75. Over intercom: Vito Corleone
76. Rap over intercom
77. Autism impression
78. Tourette's Guy over intercom
79. Play catch in aisles
80. Sack race!
81. Extreme Football
82. If someone wears red and green, scream "WALKING CHRISTMAS TREE" and tackle them
83. One person in a gorilla suit, another in a banana suit. 'Nuff said
84. Rearrange price tags and throw a tantrum about the new prices
85. Tip the trash cans over
86. Fill up three carts, take them to register, and walk out, leaving them behind.
87. Pillow fight
88. Turkey Costume, banana costume, blank-firing gun. 'Nuff said.
89. Lisp over intercom
90. Cart drag-racing
91. Test and return chewing gum
92. Fish out goldfsh with a fishing pole
93. Break open fishtanks and scream "BE FREE!"
94. Cashiers are your counselors
95. Fire is your friend
96. Set clocks to go off at 5-minute intervals
97. Christmas tree wildfire
98. Homer Simpson impression
99. Camel Dissection
100. BURN IT DOWN


Credit: Will Robbins (me ), Lauren Lanke, Reco Rodriguez, Michael Thompson, James Green, Jordan Posthauer

[PostalDude]

Best.Topic.Ever.

[cleone]

What... the fu*k...

[T.K.]

I call it a list on how to get banned from wal-mart

[Sedans]

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com

[PostalDude]

What... the fu*k...

lern2humor

[Driver of DOOM]

Ha, I hate Walmart and its UK incarnation, ASDA. Maybe it stems from a general dislike of supermarkets, but every time i go in, i get scared, angry and confused. I originally blamed the size of these vast conglomerate's outlets but even the little ones are filled with scary stuff!

Seriously, do any of you guys get it, the feeling that you are going to get stuck in the never-ending warehouse? The feeling that it is going to con you using its arrays of lawyers into forfeiting your sanity or even just the far simpler poison injected into their food, marketing and offers?

I would love to get banned, or at least shoplift tones of sh*t from its white doors that close when you walk away from them, but i just can't, its not like Tesco, its all most like its tricking you to spend you money, anyone else afraid?

[PostalDude]

Bump for great justice.

[Harlequin]

I went to Wal-mart once, years ago. All I was looking for was those little boxes of cereal. Two hours later I found them... I don't think I'll ever go back into one...

Ha, I hate Walmart and its UK incarnation, ASDA. Maybe it stems from a general dislike of supermarkets, but every time i go in, i get scared, angry and confused. I originally blamed the size of these vast conglomerate's outlets but even the little ones are filled with scary stuff!

Seriously, do any of you guys get it, the feeling that you are going to get stuck in the never-ending warehouse? The feeling that it is going to con you using its arrays of lawyers into forfeiting your sanity or even just the far simpler poison injected into their food, marketing and offers?

I would love to get banned, or at least shoplift tones of sh*t from its white doors that close when you walk away from them, but i just can't, its not like Tesco, its all most like its tricking you to spend you money, anyone else afraid?

Tesco is cool. It's like Woolworths, but awesome. Lol. It's less scary than Wal-mart too...
For some reason, I once had a dream about being trapped inside a Wal-mart... I don't know why, considering they're American and I'm not, but it was scary. Worst. Nightmare. EVER.

[Driver of DOOM]

Indeed, i just wish my mates didn't insist on getting their school kit there; Woolworths is gone away and died, but that was an epic shop; I loved the pic and mix cos the security guards didn't mind you sampling the produce, good times now lost in the swirl of the credit crunch, a shame... Tesco is the biggest shop in the UK, but it still can't match the scariness of Wal*Mart

[bb_42001]

Well the Supermarket i work for Drake, we just started to sell console games, and they are big tittles like Farcry 2 and Battlefeild:BC and they are all $20 cheaper or more then the game stores LOL, we also sell digital cameras and MP3 players.

[Harlequin]

Well the Supermarket i work for Drake, we just started to sell console games, and they are big tittles like Farcry 2 and Battlefeild:BC and they are all $20 cheaper or more then the game stores LOL, we also sell digital cameras and MP3 players.

You can't pimp your store to international peeps. Lol
I worked for the Woolworths affiliate, Big W. It was hell. Don't ever take midnight shift at a department store the week before Christmas.

[bb_42001]

Well our store is just that f***ing awesome!

[Driver of DOOM]

Your store smelly cos it is further than the centre of the earth from me, and the centre of the earth is really smelly!

[Sedans]

Your store smelly cos it is further than the centre of the earth from me, and the centre of the earth is really smelly!

WTF kind of reefer are you smoking?

[T.K.]

Whatever it is, share

[Harlequin]

Your store smelly cos it is further than the centre of the earth from me, and the centre of the earth is really smelly!

...Are you on crack?

[Nikusakken]

Your store smelly cos it is further than the centre of the earth from me, and the centre of the earth is really smelly!

I want to get high - so high!
I want to get high - so high!
I want to get high - so high!
I want to get high - so high!

Well thats the funk elastic, the blunt I twist it
The slamafied, (buddafied) funk on your discus
Oh, what you messed with, you got to bare witness
Catch a ho and another ho merry christmas
Yes I smoke sh*t, straight off the roach clip
I roach it roll the blunt at once to approach it
Forward motion make you sway like the ocean
The herb is more than just a powerful potion
Whats the commotion, yo Im not joking around
People learning about, what theyre smoking
My oven is on high, when I roast the quail
Tell bill clinton to go and inhale
Exhale, now you felt the funk of the power
Now feel the effects...

I want to get high - so high!
I want to get high - so high!
I want to get high - so high!
I want to get high - so high!
Yo hits from the bong
Yo hits from the bong
Yo hits from the bong
Yo hits from the from the bong from the bong
Yo hits from the bong
Yo hits from the from the bong from the bong
Yo hits from the from the bong from the bong

[Driver of DOOM]

Indeed, and no, just a bit tipsier than i had expected, I got a fright when my alarm went off 4 hours after crawling into my bed; It wasn't a Friday like I had been expecting!

[Sedans]

Nvm





Last editied by Sedans, One f***ing second ago.

[Harlequin]

Indeed, and no, just a bit tipsier than i had expected, I got a fright when my alarm went off 4 hours after crawling into my bed; It wasn't a Friday like I had been expecting!

Yay for alcohol!!!
I'm going drinking tonight... Well, I'm going to a comedy show which happens to be at a pub... But I get free drinks, so all in all: anything after 9 o'clock tonight and before 9 o'clock tomorrow morning completely ignore. Completely. Deleting it would be good...
Lmao.

[Driver of DOOM]

Wise words; I heard of this thing that would stop you using the intenet if you were drunk; it gives you a question when you logon and if you fail, you are prevented from writing retarded posts or uploading vidoes of _________ to stuff

[Harlequin]

Wise words; I heard of this thing that would stop you using the intenet if you were drunk; it gives you a question when you logon and if you fail, you are prevented from writing retarded posts or uploading vidoes of _________ to stuff

That would only work for people who get stupid when they are drunk... I just get emotionally retarded... Lol
It would probably result in me being banned for life from DM if I came on here drunk...

[Driver of DOOM]

aww

[emmetmcl]

Tesco is cool. It's like Woolworths, but awesome. Lol. It's less scary than Wal-mart too...
For some reason, I once had a dream about being trapped inside a Wal-mart... I don't know why, considering they're American and I'm not, but it was scary. Worst. Nightmare. EVER.[/quote]

Its not like Woolworths anymore, Woolies is gone.

I don't understand why people don't like large supermarket chains, and rather small, corner shops.
At least if you steal in a supermarket, you don't feel as guilty, because you're only stealing from a board of rich arseholes, compared to an old women whose not quite sure where she is most of the time.

[Harlequin]

I don't understand why people don't like large supermarket chains, and rather small, corner shops.
At least if you steal in a supermarket, you don't feel as guilty, because you're only stealing from a board of rich arseholes, compared to an old women whose not quite sure where she is most of the time.

I prefer big supermarkets. I like knowing where everything is. I've been known to chuck hissy fits when people change things around and the chances of that happening is smaller in large stores. Plus they have what I like, unlike little places... Plus old people make me feel guilty... lmao

[emmetmcl]

I prefer them too.

I hate when you go into small shops, you feel like the people are watching you, whereas in in supermarkets, no one gives a f**k.

[Harlequin]

I prefer them too.

I hate when you go into small shops, you feel like the people are watching you, whereas in in supermarkets, no one gives a f**k.

YES! They always follow you around, asking if you want assistance. 'Damn it, I didn't want assistance the first time you asked me, why would I want it the eighth?! Let me shop!'

[emmetmcl]

Yeah, I really hate that, when you're in a shop, just looking around and they ask you that.

Mainly happens in sports shops and electrical shops though, not really in regular stores, or in supermarkets. You basically have to shout for someone to help you in those places.

[Driver of DOOM]

I don't understand why people don't like large supermarket chains, and rather small, corner shops.
At least if you steal in a supermarket, you don't feel as guilty, because you're only stealing from a board of rich arseholes, compared to an old women whose not quite sure where she is most of the time.

Hmm, bit contradictory there, but most little shops are cush with me, unless I have my hood covering my face, they don't like that. I like old fashoned markets, you can see that the food is nicer, fresher and often cheaper, only its not layed out logically, but you soon get to know the sellers and which shops are better!