- Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:04 pm
#22674
Moose (my moderator) posted this Grinch-knockoff about Hitler and the Jews. Also, I'm unwarned at GameFAQs, and my topic reached 100 posts!
How Hitler Stole Hanukkah
By Matthew Wells
Every Jew down in Jew-Ville liked Hanukkah a lot.
But Hitler, who lived just north of Jew-Ville, did not.
Hitler hated Hanukkah, the whole Holy Season
Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason.
It could be that he sniffed glue all night.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Was that his mustache was too evil for something so small.
But, whatever the reason, his mustache or the glue,
Hitler stood in his office, loathing the Jews
Staring down from his tower with a sour, Nazi frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town
For he knew every Jew down in Jew-Ville beneath
Was practicing his or her Jewish belief.
"And they're setting up the Menorah," he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Hanukkah, it's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his black Nazi heart a-thumping:
"I must find a way to stop Hanukkah from coming!"
For tomorrow he knew all the Jew guys and Jew chicks
Would light the menorah, not giving a rip 'bout Saint Nick.
"Why, for forty two years I've put up with it now!
I must find a way to stop Hanukkah from coming! But how?"
Then he got an idea. An awful idea. Hitler got a wonderful, awful idea.
"I know just what to do!" Hitler laughed in his throat,
And he grabbed paper, envelope, and he wrote
To his generals: "See that little Jewish town?
Scramble the bombers! I want it burned to the ground!"
So the Nazi's mobilized their troops, tanks, and planes,
Guns, rockets, and ammo coming in trains.
Germany was preparing for an all-evil coup.
As I've said, Hitler was ready to kill all the Jews.
As the Germans attacked, the Jews stood not a chance.
Germany was like a great, unstoppable lance.
That night attack caused unstoppable doom.
Nothing was left standing, not even a room!
And the Jews were loaded up on some ramps
And into the Nazi's evil camps.
Once they had shipped off the entire throng,
Hitler was happy, but not for very long.
In came the Allies! They would have none of this ****!
They attacked the Germans, and made the line split.
And they shot and they left Germans dead in their wake.
Nazi blood coagulated into a lake.
And they saved some of the Jews, Hurray!
The alliance has finally saved the day!
Hitler thought he had won.
He thought very soon he would finish his fun.
He thought very soon he would hear some more screams.
So he put his hand to his ear and out the window he leaned.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low, then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad, it sounded glad.
It was a sound that made Hitler very ****ing mad.
He stared down at Jew-Ville, Hitler popped his eyes!
Then he shook, what he saw was a shocking surprise.
Every Jew down in Jew-Ville, the tall and the small
Was singing without any Menorah at all.
He hadn't stopped Hanukkah from coming, it came.
Somehow or other it came just the same.
He watched as the Allies came, barely staggered,
Reached into his pocket and pulled out a dagger.
And what happened then? Well... in Jew-Ville they say
Hitler's black heart bled three gallons that day.
His men had been beaten at every turn
And he... he himself!... was now food for the worms.
Obsessive language learner, writer, musician, and reader.
I'm sorry dude, I just had to do it. 
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