Time to give him what he wants!
Let me start this review off by saying, Chris, I hope you don't take any of what I say personal.
On that note, lets begin.
So with low expectations, after reading what the developer has written about his own game, I download D4: Russia. The game starts up in the main menu, smooth so far, I'm actually impressed, then it is time to press the "U" key to go undercover! "So," I'm thinking to myself, "looks like I'm about to go deep undercover." Wrong. The first time I open the game up, the U key fails to bring me deep undercover in the world of our favorite fictional video game characters. Laughing at myself dumbfounded, hoping that it wasn't my U key that was broken, I quit the game and restarted. Boom. Here I go, the text on the screen has my eyeballs 2 inches from the moniter (I always did like a good story) reading hastilly to find out where Jones and company were heading at the mercy of the Mighty Chris.
The mission starts, I sit in my blue sedan excited, listening the voice over, when the music que's, I tap the up arrow and, to my surprise, my baby blue sedan hurls itself accross the map with mighty force, the screen flashes white and I think to myself.."What have I gotten myself in to?"
Refusing to be pimped by the not-so-gracious walls, I let the annoying voice of "Microsoft Hoe" direct me to my objective, on the 38th attempt, I finally make it past the wall to the objective. Already annoyed and breathing heavily, I wait to see what happens. Once again I find myself virtually sexing my computer to see what happens, I read on - "So I'm going to be driving a sports car this time eh? Ahah, Noo problem." The mission starts, I crack my knuckes to see two monotonus sedans ramming the hell out of my car, only to send me into an eternal abyss of white screen. Staring into space with a frozen face, I look back down and hit my L key again for the 750th time in twenty minutes. "This time, they won't know what's coming to them.." I guess if "they" meant "me", then I was right, once the mission started, I slammed down the up arrow sending my car in a brilliant speed across the land, right into a wall....
*Clicks L key*
After being raped by the 3 or 4 sedans for the.. oh I lost count-th time, I decided to take a small break. I head to the kitchen and bring back an ice cold Coca-Cola. I crack open the can and let it's crisp, refreshingness give me a smile. With my new-found Glory, I press down the L again, hoping that the power of the Coca-Cola Company, Atlanta, Georgia, would help me fuel my hunger for success. The mission starts again.. "I got it!" I exclaim to myself, "If I just turn around, it will give me more of a chance to escape!" So, even though I don't have to say it, while I was thinking of that I got creamed by the gray sedan that started behind me, so once I start again, again... I use my idea. To my astonishment, the gray sedan knew I was going to turn around, and plowed into me at a direct hit for the next 7 times I tried my idea.
"I've seen this before..." I think to myself, sweating and breathing heavilly, "the unbelieveable crazy difficulty reminds me of.... Midnight Club, the level where I had to beat the clock to get the Manhattan Police Cars!" Sounds easy right? Wrong. That level took me 3 days of non-stop play to beat. I guess hard work and controller-bashing really does pay off.
So, with that being said, I am prepared to give my honest opinion of this game.
All answers are out of 10.
Graphics: 6 (The graphics weren't bad, for a first-timer)
Cars: 8 (I felt the cars were detailed nicley)
Story: 8 (I told yall.. I like a good story)
Controls: 1 ( I couldn't control the cars for sh*t)
Fun: 5 (Meh.. Could be better but I have played less intersting things so..)
Lasting Appeal: 3
Overall: 5 (O.K.)
Just in case you are curious, my overalls work like this:
0-I can't believe I wasted my life playing this game you piece of sh*t.
So with all that being said, I'd like to end this off on a positive note and say, Chris, I honestly think you did a good job, I think that you put decent amount of work in this and it isn't as bad as you think. I hope you realize that one day, because I would be forced to squeeze myself thru your computer and slap you if you don't.
-Derek aka Sedans